Holley Hyler

A r t i s t

Self-Love & Loving Others

August 24, 2018

This morning, I posted this photo and caption on my IG/FB accounts:


I received a lot of kind words of agreement, along with expressions of the notion: “You can’t love others unless you love yourself.”

Okay, so – I used to always interpret this as: “You have the inability to love others if you do not have self-love.” Maybe this is not the way the original statement was meant, so this could have been me misinterpreting.

I think what is really intended by this statement is: “You have the ability to love others if you do not have self-love, but if you do not have self-love, you may forget your worth as you love others. You may fall into the trap of feeling unfit somehow, if one you love does not love you. So it’s not really good for you to love others when you have no self-love.”

And it isn’t. I have self-harmed and had passively suicidal thoughts when a man I loved did not love me in return. I am going through a vicious cycle of grieving my emotionally absent father, being angry at him, then wondering what I did that made him stop loving me. Punishing myself for losing him. All the while, the soft, sweet voice of my intuition whispered, “Sweet one, you cannot make anyone stop loving you. If you can, then what they feel is not love.”

It has taken two more soulmate connections in which I was abandoned to really integrate this understanding.

So if you’re reading this, right now, and you can relate, I hope this post can offer you a shortcut out of the suffering. Sometimes, we do have to have the experience to have the true knowledge, but if I can help you avoid even an ounce of pain, I have accomplished my mission (for now).

In Love and Service,


P.S. If you feel at all guided, follow my IG with posts geared toward mental health and spirituality here. I promote mental health awareness and advocacy and share my own battles with bipolar disorder and depression, in hopes of empowering you and giving a large middle finger to the stigma. xoxo


  1. Nice read. Hope you’re ok

    Liked by 1 person

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