Spirit woke me tonight, placing an important message on my heart that is to be shared with others. Sometimes, it does that – and so I am speaking to you as Holley, since I do not have the energy to channel at the moment, and also because I hold a perspective that found this message useful. This perspective will be helpful in relaying the message to you. It relates to love and its connection to the physical realm, how we express it, the longing we feel when we cannot bring that energy to physicality with our Beloved…
Put very simply, it is this: Sex is not love. Attention is not love. This message is specifically for those who seek love in these mediums but have repeatedly fallen short of finding it. This is also for those who look for their Beloved to love them in these ways, but feel any kind of lack from this seeking.
Sex and attention can be ways we express love, but they are not always, and I would venture to say that they often are not. Look at what you’re seeing in the news lately – sexual gestures have been used to express just about everything but love. We give our attention to this and all kinds of ugly things each day to rant about them and thereby perpetuate that energy. We give our attention to our loved ones, friends, coworkers, but we are not always doing so in a way that is present and kind. When I started to truly listen to some of the couples I know, I noticed that they often spoke to each other in demeaning ways that were masked as jokes. Just about every other remark was intended to “tell” or make small. Very little of it came from what felt like a true place of love. Many of us view this as normal, because we grew up with it. That was just “how things were.”
Going back to sex – even if we are or were in what we believe to be a loving relationship with someone, we are not honoring ourselves when we have sex just because our partner wants to or we worry about losing them or hurting their feelings if we do not. Many times, for me, sex has been an escape, a way of grasping at a relationship that was on its last limbs, or a way that I looked for something outside myself. I wanted to feel a certain way, or I wanted to get high, and I believed sex could help me achieve that. It never worked. I have held on to so much shame over the years, shame that I am finally releasing so that I can talk to you about this now. I was having sex for many reasons, but love was not among them, even when I was in a relationship.
There are so many of us – myself included – who may say that we no longer believe love needs to look a certain way, but feel as though something is “wrong” when we are unable to express love through physical intimacy or cannot access the attention of our Beloved at a given point in time. The way we love is changing, and if you are reading/resonating with this now, you are a pioneer of this new way. Let the old fall away. Do not buy into the idea that something is “wrong” with you because you are not in a relationship or not often physically with the one you love. If you are alone a great deal of the time, God is not punishing you, so please try to stop seeing it this way. (I find affirmations helpful for this – “God loves me, and I trust in His love.”) If something is not coming to fruition, it is either because it is still developing or there is something better intended for you.
Sometimes, a period of spiritual gestation can feel like a “no” when it isn’t. What feels like a “no” may be a “wait.” If it is time to move your attention to something or someone else (that someone being YOU), you can do so lovingly and without burning any bridges.
I will say it again, because it is so important: being alone for any length of time does not mean there is something wrong with you or that you are being punished. The ability to be alone takes exceptional mental and emotional fortitude. I have lived through two cross-country moves, one of which I did alone, and experienced crippling depression and suicidal thoughts as I did so. But would I take any of that back? No, because if I did, I would not be writing this now; I would not be on this healing path; I would not be learning the lessons my soul chose for me to learn. However, I did not understand that until recently, and much of the time, I did see it as God punishing me. I wondered what I had done wrong and wanted to undergo a past life regression to see what sins I must have committed in another lifetime to deserve this. But that’s not necessary – all that’s necessary is to tune into NOW and ask, “What am I learning from this?” Whatever comes through is what your soul chose to help you experience humanity at its fullest and to make you stronger and wiser.
If you are alone and learning to love from your heart rather than your ego, magic is intended for you. We’ve had to go through this heartache as part of shedding the ego and coming back to unconditional love – yes, coming back, because somewhere along the way, we forgot. But we did it once, so we can do it again.
If we are physically separate from our Beloved, we can always learn to energetically connect and lift our energy for better physical experiences with that person. Look for evidence of the truth that we are all ONE. If we yearn to make love with that person, but cannot, look for ways of channeling that energy into something that makes you feel good – be it art, healing, learning, service… or exploring your sexuality more in spiritual ways.
We could spend every day of our lives with a person and not truly love them. Many do, for many reasons, with fear chief among them. That is not to say your Beloved is choosing this, or wrong for not choosing you, or “unawakened.” There are many reasons that we do what we do as humans, and the best we can do is try to understand but face up to the fact that we know nothing.
The point I want you to take away is that your love is not any less “real” because there is no physical evidence of it, or you’re not in bed with that person, or seeing them every day or even every month or year.
I have spent much of my energy looking for confirmation of my love or wanting to see it returned in some way. Had it been returned, I would not have discovered my soul. I do not believe I am meant to always be alone, but for now, this is where I am and I trust it. The people I have loved and still do love are my muses, unlocking my soul’s truest words, cheering me on in spirit as I become the best version of myself. The people you love will do the same for you. You just have to let them – even when they aren’t doing what you want them to do, or what you think they should do.
Let the old fall away. Just like that.
I pray that you have found peace in my words and love you, always,